The Daily Grind

"Kids today. . ."

I try not to start any sentence with these two words. I think it automatically makes you sound old. I don't make any attempt to listen their shit music or dabble in any aspects of their "culture" though; I just try to remember that we were all teenagers once, and that they aren't that much different than I was (except for the meth; no one did meth when I was a kid). There is one crucial thing that separates teens of the 2000s from the teens of the mid-to-late 90s- the dancing. We didn't dance in high school; we were too busy being grungy and depressed about Kurt Cobain being dead. "Kids these days," on the other hand, love to get their groove on- or should I say, they love to get their grind on.

The school where I work established a "dance policy" that outlined the kind of dancing students were not allowed to engage in at school dances. The policy simply states that they are to refrain from "dancing that is sexually explicit." When the policy was originally presented to the students, it actually specifically said they were to refrain from "grinding" and mimicking sexual activity, particularly "front-to-back grinding" (gross). The policy was announced over one year ago, yet the kids will not let it go. Apparently, at the dances, the chaperones stand in the balcony above the gym and they shine a flashlight at the kids they identify as dancing in an unacceptable way. Then, the students are warned, and if they just can't stop themselves from "grinding" in a sexually explicit 'front-to-back" posture, they get busted again and thrown out of that dance, and banned from the next school dance to boot. But now that we are over a year into this new policy, with it being applied at many a dance, you'd think they'd be accustomed to the policy. Maybe they'd do some research to find out how to dance in a more acceptable way. That's not the case. Instead, they whine about it every chance they get. Although I am very liberal personally, I tend to err on the side of caution/conservatism when it comes to children. So I am all for this policy, even if the way it is enforced is a little bit much. I used to teach 8th grade, and I was shocked at the way those children danced. It's shocking. It's like a Nelly video breaks out every time there is a dance, complete with their sweaty bodies bumping and grinding in front of their 1st period teacher and parent volunteer chaperones.

When discussing this with my students recently, I learned that some parents are opposed to the dance policy. And so that their little darlings don't miss out on those precious teenage memories of dancing in a sexually explicit way in a stinky school gym, they get HOTEL ROOMS for them so that they can have their own little private grinding party. Excuse me, but I have a question. I'm not a parent, and I really don't claim to know anything about being a parent. But I'm pretty sure that if I were a parent, I would do everything in my power to make sure that my son or daughter was never in a room with a person of the opposite sex where there was a bed and dim lighting. Sure, they might find themselves in that situation at some point, but I'm not making the fucking reservation. What is this fucking world coming to when parents are more concerned with their children getting their way than with their children getting pregnant? Why are parents more interested in being friends with their children than parents to their children? These are, likely, the same parents that buy liquor for their children and allow them to drink at home (during a co-ed sleep over) because, hey, at least they aren't driving!

Finally, I told my students that it is, in fact, possible to dance without grinding. They say I'm full of it. So I told them I'd bring in two people to demonstrate dancing without grinding. Anyone want to come to my classroom and dance in a wholesome way in front of my sophomores? Southie, maybe you and Dana want to demonstrate for me? I already told them that I don't believe in dancing (unless I'm drunk at a gay bar), so they know I won't do it.

Well, I'm off. I borrowed the DVD of "Into the Woods" from a girl in my book club. It's my favorite musical. What an exciting Friday night. I wonder if you can grind to "Into the Woods."