A good party goes down the toilet
There's really no delicate way to tell this story. After reading this, you might want to stop by Southie's page to get his version of the events of our New Year's Eve. I don't want to start the story with the part when the party went down the toilet (you'll understand later why that's funny). I'll start with the good stuff. Michael and I hosted a party with our friends B and T. Because B and T have a bigger apartment than we do, they agreed to have it at their place. We'd do the cooking and they'd let us use their diggs. We all thought this was a great idea. 
We made amazing food and had plenty of liquor. I didn't eat a damn thing, but I did drink my dinner- pinot grigio of course. Everyone that I wanted to see was there (with the except of the BF who had to work). Brian was there. Dana was there. S was there. J was there. The Captain was even there! It was great. Brian even seemed to make a connection with S, a connection I've been working on for a while now. I had my iPod and Bose sound dock rocking with my BRILLIANT New Year's Eve mix- complete with the Superbowl Shuffle, to which I know every word. Sounds like fun right? Oh it was. And I have the pictures to prove it. See, doesn't this look fun? 
Things were going great...that is until the toilets starting overflowing. Keep in mind that these events occur almost simultaneously, which might be the most astonishing part of this story.
Toilet #1: Some bimbo FLUSHED her cell phone down the toilet. Flushed it! She didn't drop it in there and fish it out- she FLUSHED it down there. Who flushes after their cell phone lands in the toilet? Did she not see it in there? I've never really watched a woman pee, but I'm guessing I do it like most women do it. And if that's the case, this girl probably would have turned around after peeing to flush the toilet, at which point she should have seen her cell phone in there. At the very least, shouldn't she have heard it splash? Or maybe felt a splash of cold water land somewhere on her exposed skin? I don't understand how this happened. It actually kept me up last night. In any event, that toilet overflowed but good. A pool of water stood in the bathroom and it was quickly making its way into the hallway. I think T's pug Stella was drinking it, too, which only added to the comedic value (well, I thought it was funny; T and B didn't have the same reaction). As T and B sopped up the mess with every towel they could get their hands on, a 2nd problem arose.
Toilet #2: What happened in bathroom #2 is up for debate; and I don't even know how to appropriately describe it. But it appears that a person (who shall remain nameless- not Southie though) was peeing standing up (so we know it is a guy or a very crafty girl) and probably started to pass out (so we know he was a wasted hot mess) and probably tried to break his fall on the tank. And what happened next is something that I didn't even think could happen.
This person's breaking his fall on the tank resulted in the tank snapping apart from the bowl, sending any water that would reside in the toilet (and presumably the urine as well) rushing onto the bathroom floor. The person who is allegedly responsible for this was passed out on the floor in bathroom #2 when the owners of the apartment ran to the bathroom in a panic to see why a river seemed to be oozing out of their master bath. To make matters worse, while the owners of the apartment and about 10 other people were cleaning up the messes, someone barfed in toilet #2 even though there was no water in it. That barf is still sitting in the toilet now in fact, which I'm sure is a lovely reminder for them. The person allegedly responsible for this is at the owner's apartment now waiting for a plumber. I'm guessing he has his checkbook with him. 
I, however, was not one of the 10 people cleaning up the mess. I was too busy singing the Super Bowl Shuffle when this happened. Once I was done with this, I decided it would be a great idea to take pictures of this mess. My words when the owner was shooting me a dirty look as I snapped pictures: "Trust me, you'll laugh about this in two years, and you'll be glad I took pictures. (to Southie) Hey Brian, this will be great for my blog!" I admit; that was pretty insensitive of me. But these are the things I do for my (3) readers. We left not long after the mess was dealt with. I grabbed my iPod and whatever booze was left, and I brought the party back to my house. It was a fab way to end the night.
We made amazing food and had plenty of liquor. I didn't eat a damn thing, but I did drink my dinner- pinot grigio of course. Everyone that I wanted to see was there (with the except of the BF who had to work). Brian was there. Dana was there. S was there. J was there. The Captain was even there! It was great. Brian even seemed to make a connection with S, a connection I've been working on for a while now. I had my iPod and Bose sound dock rocking with my BRILLIANT New Year's Eve mix- complete with the Superbowl Shuffle, to which I know every word. Sounds like fun right? Oh it was. And I have the pictures to prove it. See, doesn't this look fun? 
Things were going great...that is until the toilets starting overflowing. Keep in mind that these events occur almost simultaneously, which might be the most astonishing part of this story.
Toilet #1: Some bimbo FLUSHED her cell phone down the toilet. Flushed it! She didn't drop it in there and fish it out- she FLUSHED it down there. Who flushes after their cell phone lands in the toilet? Did she not see it in there? I've never really watched a woman pee, but I'm guessing I do it like most women do it. And if that's the case, this girl probably would have turned around after peeing to flush the toilet, at which point she should have seen her cell phone in there. At the very least, shouldn't she have heard it splash? Or maybe felt a splash of cold water land somewhere on her exposed skin? I don't understand how this happened. It actually kept me up last night. In any event, that toilet overflowed but good. A pool of water stood in the bathroom and it was quickly making its way into the hallway. I think T's pug Stella was drinking it, too, which only added to the comedic value (well, I thought it was funny; T and B didn't have the same reaction). As T and B sopped up the mess with every towel they could get their hands on, a 2nd problem arose.
Toilet #2: What happened in bathroom #2 is up for debate; and I don't even know how to appropriately describe it. But it appears that a person (who shall remain nameless- not Southie though) was peeing standing up (so we know it is a guy or a very crafty girl) and probably started to pass out (so we know he was a wasted hot mess) and probably tried to break his fall on the tank. And what happened next is something that I didn't even think could happen.
This person's breaking his fall on the tank resulted in the tank snapping apart from the bowl, sending any water that would reside in the toilet (and presumably the urine as well) rushing onto the bathroom floor. The person who is allegedly responsible for this was passed out on the floor in bathroom #2 when the owners of the apartment ran to the bathroom in a panic to see why a river seemed to be oozing out of their master bath. To make matters worse, while the owners of the apartment and about 10 other people were cleaning up the messes, someone barfed in toilet #2 even though there was no water in it. That barf is still sitting in the toilet now in fact, which I'm sure is a lovely reminder for them. The person allegedly responsible for this is at the owner's apartment now waiting for a plumber. I'm guessing he has his checkbook with him. 
I, however, was not one of the 10 people cleaning up the mess. I was too busy singing the Super Bowl Shuffle when this happened. Once I was done with this, I decided it would be a great idea to take pictures of this mess. My words when the owner was shooting me a dirty look as I snapped pictures: "Trust me, you'll laugh about this in two years, and you'll be glad I took pictures. (to Southie) Hey Brian, this will be great for my blog!" I admit; that was pretty insensitive of me. But these are the things I do for my (3) readers. We left not long after the mess was dealt with. I grabbed my iPod and whatever booze was left, and I brought the party back to my house. It was a fab way to end the night.
posted by Sue Ellen Mischke at 10:32 AM
14 Comments:
I would have been shuffling right along with you.
That's why I never hosted parties at my home until I was a bona-fide married grownup.
What'd you cook?
You know, most of us are bona-fide grownups (not married though). There were just enough drunks there (2) to make things messy. It was awful because up until then, it was a great night.
I always have too much food; it's an Italian thing so there are leftover up the yinyang over there!
We got some stuff at Costco- mini quiche, spring rolls. I had a baked brie wrapped in puff pastry, tortelini, macaroni, assorted cheeses and sausages, pear and cheese tartlets, chips and salsa, a big salad, an amazing baked artichoke dip, rice krispy treats for dessert. I was so worried there wouldn't be enough food, and we had too much. In my family though, it's a sin not to have enough food.
I can't bear vomit. When my children are sick, I console them while my husband cleans it up. But sometimes they aren't quite done. I've had a child throw up into my eye. Vomitrocious.
Tara- that is one of the funniest stories I have ever read. I think I'm going to print it out and keep it with me for any times I feel down. Seriously, that was hilarious. I can't stop laughing.
p.s. I don't suppose you have any pictures of you actually doing the Super Bowl Shuffle?
I suspect someone might. I sure hope not though. Wasn't the one of my hideous profile embarassing enough?
Now that is one of the best New Year's stories I have ever heard! That is a classic-thanks for sharing LOL.
I'm glad you all enjoyed it. Not as glad as I am that I was not the one responsible for any of the drama that took place in either bathroom last night. This is one of those posts that I live in fear of one of my students seeing.
What are you doing to his face in thar pic?
Actually, I like that pic.
And I love that you look like you find whatever you're saying to be the most hilarious thing in the world and he looks completely unamused. Priceless.
oh, I hope someone has a pic of you doing the Super Bowl Shuffle!
It wasn't New Year's but a while ago I had had too much to drink at a bar and was convinced I could breakdance. Of course my friends immediately took out their cameras and to snap pictures of me trying to do a backspin for the whole bar too see. I looked like a turtle on its shell that couldn't flip back over.
p.s. I can't believe I forgot to tell you this earlier: I saw Peterman today- as I was coming out of a Starbucks on Columbus Ave., he was walking by.
Esbee- he was being salty (hence the face) and I was trying to make him cheer up by laughing in his ear. He is my best friend from hs, and we have lots of inside jokes.
LIZZIE- I can't believe you saw Peterman. I'm so jealous. The real peterman. Wow.
Wow! Great story. I bet certain people might not be invited back to their next party :-)
Willie Gault, #99, had the best moves in the Shuffle. "uh-Huh" "uh-Huh, uh-Huh" My brother & I watched the beta tape about 10 times a day. The we would watch it with Melissa & Tara & dance to the cassette single in our Superbowl gear.
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