My moderately bruised ego needs some massaging. Any takers?
Last night I was out with some friends, one of whom was a colleague. I overheard the following phone conversation taking place between my colleague and his friend. Of course, I only heard one end of the conversation. I was able to discern, however, that the conversation was clearly one wherein the colleague was trying to encourage his friend to join us at a local lounge:
my colleague: So are you coming out tonight, man?
there's a pause while guy on phone speaks....
mc: Well, I'm with Dana and my friend Tara, whom I work with.
another pause while guy on phone speaks...
mc: hmm... Moderately
It's not the first pause that concerns me. It's more the second pause with which I take issue. I am speculating that the guy on the other side of the phone asked "Is she good-looking/attractive/hot?" to which my friend answered "hmm... Moderately."
I had to call him out on this, of course. He seemed embarrassed at first, but he did not come out and tell me I was incorrect in my assumption. He made a few feeble attempts at coming up with some less hurtful options. My favorite one was, "Are you comfortable with the direction your friendship is taking?" Although this is funny, it doesn't strike me as the sort of thing one would ask to determine if he should join an already assembled group of people at a bar, that is unless said person is a psychotherapist (or an analrapist for you Arrested Development fans).
Another interesting fact about this exchange is that the guy on the other end of the phone did eventually join us at the bar-- with his girlfriend in tow (who, frankly, if I'm only moderately attractive, was not at all attractive). Why the hell was it necessary for this guy to ask my colleague if I was attractive if he already has a not-so-attractive girlfriend of his own? When they walked in I introduced myself. "Hi, I'm Tara. The moderately attractive one."
For the record, I don't know that I disagree with this evaluation of my looks; I'd just rather not know that other people have made that same assessment. Also for the record, I'm not mad at my colleague at all. I'm only moderately shocked that he was dumb enough (and/or drunk enough) to think that I would not have heard this exchange, seeing as how he was sitting right next to me in a cramped booth in a relatively quiet lounge.
So I need your help here, 4 readers. Anyone care to propose possible questions that would elicit the response of "moderately" in this situation? Let's limit it to questions that might heal my (moderately) bruised ego. Please?
my colleague: So are you coming out tonight, man?
there's a pause while guy on phone speaks....
mc: Well, I'm with Dana and my friend Tara, whom I work with.
another pause while guy on phone speaks...
mc: hmm... Moderately
It's not the first pause that concerns me. It's more the second pause with which I take issue. I am speculating that the guy on the other side of the phone asked "Is she good-looking/attractive/hot?" to which my friend answered "hmm... Moderately."
I had to call him out on this, of course. He seemed embarrassed at first, but he did not come out and tell me I was incorrect in my assumption. He made a few feeble attempts at coming up with some less hurtful options. My favorite one was, "Are you comfortable with the direction your friendship is taking?" Although this is funny, it doesn't strike me as the sort of thing one would ask to determine if he should join an already assembled group of people at a bar, that is unless said person is a psychotherapist (or an analrapist for you Arrested Development fans).
Another interesting fact about this exchange is that the guy on the other end of the phone did eventually join us at the bar-- with his girlfriend in tow (who, frankly, if I'm only moderately attractive, was not at all attractive). Why the hell was it necessary for this guy to ask my colleague if I was attractive if he already has a not-so-attractive girlfriend of his own? When they walked in I introduced myself. "Hi, I'm Tara. The moderately attractive one."
For the record, I don't know that I disagree with this evaluation of my looks; I'd just rather not know that other people have made that same assessment. Also for the record, I'm not mad at my colleague at all. I'm only moderately shocked that he was dumb enough (and/or drunk enough) to think that I would not have heard this exchange, seeing as how he was sitting right next to me in a cramped booth in a relatively quiet lounge.
So I need your help here, 4 readers. Anyone care to propose possible questions that would elicit the response of "moderately" in this situation? Let's limit it to questions that might heal my (moderately) bruised ego. Please?
posted by Sue Ellen Mischke at 1:30 PM
22 Comments:
Are you drunk?
Is the bar crowded?
Will you be staying out late tonight?
Is Tara prettier than Gisele Bundchen?
Are you excited about the Final Four this weekend?
Will my girlfriend be threatened by the fact that Tara is prettier than her?
"You drinking/drunk already?"
Sincerely, that was the first thing that came to mind. The second was "Are you into her?" Moderately is the save face answer when the real answer is "Wildly so, but I have not a chance in hell, because her boyfriend the cop will shoot me in the face."
I'm moderately ugly if that helps...
A girl with dark hair, hazel? eyes, cute smile n GSOH is a babe. OK.
Heard somebody answerin' that description's in the Chicago area....
In my defense, Tara, you have NO idea whether or not "moderately" was referring to you in the first place. It could literally have been anything. You said yourself that the previous line was, "I'm with my friend Dana and Tara, whom I work with." "Moderately" could just as easily be referring to Dana as you, or, for that matter, it could be referring to how our trip into the city has been going. Each of these is just as likely as your hypothesis, and given the fact that my friend is engaged, either of these options becomes much more likely. The truly amusing thing is that you automatically assumed that "moderately" referred not only to you, but to your physical attractiveness. If it was about you, it could have been about your sense of humor or your personality, or simply how well I know you.
Why so full of self-doubt? Isn't it enough that you have had SO many more parties of the opposite sex interested in you than I have over the past three years?
So what WAS I talking about when I said "moderately"?
you also forget that the gentleman in question was in glee club. so the answer could well have been describing dana. or the weight i've gained since last seeing him. "is ryan pudgy now?" "moderately." he had always been threatened by my manly physique.
nice to meet you last night, btw.
I thought of 'Are you guys drinking a lot tonight?' first, then jumped straight to the 'How cute are they?' idea.
Ok so maybe I'm being paranoid. Lizzie, I like your suggestions.
Esbee, "her boyfriend the cop will shoot me in the face." I like that. I might use that the next time a gross guy hits on me in a bar. As in, "If you don't step off, my boyfriend the cop will shoot you in the face." That has a nice ring to it. Glad to have you back visiting my blog. I missed your comments! You know what's funny? I can tell your writing without even seeing your name attached to it. You have a distinctive voice. I used to like to go to Wordaholism and read a post and guess if it was yours. I usually got it right. I can also spot Wunelle, but that's mainly because he's a little long-winded sometimes (I mean that in a good way, of course).
Southie, there's no way 'moderately' refers to my sense of humor or my personality. I'm not moderately anything in either of these categories. I'm extermely funny and personable, that much I know. Still, I don't know what you were talking about, and I don't think I want to.
4D- what's GSOH?
Thanks, by the way, about the stuff I did understand :) My eyes are brown with a yellow-ish hazel tint, incidentally. The white are excessively white for some reason.
Mappy, again, I think maybe I'm paranoid.
Ryan, thanks for stopping by the blog. Now I'm just hoping that the nice young man and his girlfriend don't stop by. Not only because I called her not-so-attractive, but also because we are now calling into question his sexual orientation because of his affiliation with the glee club (not unreasonable if you ask me). Nice to meet you, too. Remember to send your resume to South so he can pass it along to our SS department chair. Then you can hang out with Dana, Brian and me all the time. It would be a moderately good time.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Are you opposed to dating co-workers?
Is Tara a cheap drunk?
GSOH = Good sense of humour
Anybody insults you my permission is granted for you to look them in the eye n say "DILLIGAF"
Bone, I wouldn't be opposed to dating a co-worker if I weren't in love my boyfriend the police officer. Why do you ask?
Also, "Is Tara a cheap drunk?" The answer to that would, in fact, be "moderately" because while I tend to like expensive wines, I don't need a lot of it to get drunk. We really need Southie to verify what the question was, but, as I said, I'm not sure I want to know the question.
4D, I see. Yes I do have a GSOH. And what, now, does Dilligaf mean? I feel like you explained it once on your blog, but now I don't remember.
"Used to like to go to Wordaholism"? Used to?
:(
PS: Prithee tell, why hast not thou ever expressed any interest in writing for Wordaholism?
PPS: Can you tell I've been awake against my will since 5:30 am? I'm so tired I've picked out a fourth dog to join our menagerie and am slightly ticked that my husband hasn't dropped everything to run pick it up yet.
Are you kidding, Esbee? Me? Wordaholism??? I'D BE HONORED! I thought it was by invite only. I felt weird asking. I'm not worthy!
You know, I haven't been to Wordaholism in a while. I like Life in Forstyh so much that I keep forgetting to visit. It's one of my faves though. I'll stop by now in fact.
email me! addy's on front of Word, right column.
Do I Look Like I Give A Fuck...
Anyone pisses you off say DILLIGAF n walk away. It really winds 'em up as few know what it means. If they do - even better.
"Is Tara drunk?"
"Is it raining out?"
Are the girls excited for me to come?
Will they think I'm attractive?
Do you think I'm attractive?
Do you find yourself drawn to me in a platonic sense?
Is the bar scene bumpin' tonight?
How should I approach this contentious issue of illegal immigration?
Did you think Jesse "The Mind" Venutra was a successful governor?
Do you think I'm an asshole?
Do you like the collected works of Lionel Richie?
Does Tara have large breasts?
The answer to that last question would not be moderately. It would be OH HELL YEAH!
My first thought was:
"Tara? The chick you talk about non-stop??? Is the alcohol loosening her up/ giving you more of a chance/ Are you getting anywhere with her?"
Moderately.
(He knows that he doesn't stand a snowball's chance in hell with you but he needs to make it seem that you are one tough nut to crack!!!)
It's a face-saving move!
Second thought:
"Is it going better with her now that you're away from the office?"
Moderately.
Third thought:
"Are you getting her drunk?"
Fourth thought:
"Do you need me/ us to come down there and rescue you?"
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