Cabo, Cancun... crabs

We've come to one of those glorious weeks in the school year where I love my job the most; that is, it's a week where I don't have to go to work. It's not that I don't love my job; it's simply that I'd prefer not to work at all. If I ever have children with the kind of man that expects one of us to stay home with the kids, I might just volunteer for that position. I'd probably miss work at first, but I suspect I'd find ways to cope with the loss. If I stay on the track I am now, however, I will be having kids someday with a police officer, which means we won't exactly be rich, which means I'd have to go back to work at some point. It's hard enough going back to work after one week off; I can't imagine the shock of having to go back to work after several years away from it. Maybe I should just not have kids at all. I don't think I could sleep at night knowing someday my daughter will ask me if she can go away with her friends for spring break.

I'm always shocked when I hear about the trips my high school students take with their friends and the permission of their parents. I have seen a few MTV Spring Break clips, and I think it should be mandatory that we show such clips at open house so parents know what they're sons and daughters are doing on their little spring break getaway. They might be shocked to find their students are posting photos of their spring break date rape on their MySpace page; or drinking 'til they puke and drown in a pool of their own vomit; or getting/giving oral sex in a hot tub to three or four different people. Then again, maybe they wouldn't be shocked. In my personal life, it's difficult to offend or shock me; but when it comes to the things my students do, I find that my jaw is on the floor every time I learn something new about what teenagers do these days. I know, I know, I sound old and prude, but I simply cannot accept that fact that girls actually volunteer to attend rainbow parties. In the 90s, there were no rainbow parties. Not only because we were too grunge to wear lipstick (the requisite party favor for the rainbow party to be a success), but also because we were depressed about the death of Kurt Cobain and Jerry Garcia. Who wants to give a blow job when in mourning?

So when I said "Good bye! Have a nice break!" to my students yesterday, I did it knowing full well that a few of them would come back a different person. *Maybe Megan would have crabs. Steve might have lost his virginity (but realistically, not without the help of a few roofies). Lisa's parents might be at the early stages of a lawsuit with a guy who posted photos of their drunk daughter being taken advantage of by 6 phi kappas. Who knows? I might even have a girl in the first trimester of her pregnancy. Not too late for an abortion though, right Jeanne?

I won't be doing anything nearly as scandalous on my Spring Break. I'll try to make more time for the blog, and I have to read In Cold Blood so I can teach it in a few weeks. No hot tub blow jobs for me, folks. If I change my mind though, I promise to blog about it.


*All names have been made up. I have some students who might come back with crabs or a baby, but none of them have these names.