300+ useless channels

The Cubs are playing today, but I can't watch the game. You'd THINK with 300 channels I could find ONE of the channels that the Cubs game might be on. I can watch the fucking White Sox if I want, which clearly I do not, because they are on WGN. The Cubs used to be the only team on WGN and WGN was the only channel on which the Cubs games aired. These days, however, the rights to The Cubs games are divided among at least three different channels, only one of which is included in my 300+ channel package. Why are all these channels so eager to air Cubs games? The Cubs lose. A lot. Oh wait, I know. They want to air the Cubs because jackass fans like me tune in whenever possible even though we are fairly confident that the outcome will not be favorable for us. So I had the Sox game on, simply because I need to see baseball right now, while I listened to WGN radio to hear the Cubs game. This approach got confusing because every time Hughes or Santo would call a play (more Hughes than Santo of course, since Santo really just yells, sighs and speaks in fragmented sentences), I'd look up at the TV expecting to see what all the excitement was about. I gave up and now I'm watching the Masters because golf is my new favorite sport to watch on television. I hate loud sports, and that's why I hate football. But golf and baseball are so peaceful, that is unless of course you are watching baseball on Fox where all of the graphics get an obnoxious sound attached to them. But generally, I can watch baseball or golf all day long, drifting in and out of naps only to wake up and find I've missed only a few innings or holes. It's brilliant. I used to hate golf for this exact reason, but in my old age I've come to appreciate the announcers who speak quietly so as not to disturb the audience at home whom I am sure they know spend at least a few holes each round snoozing.
Well, back to nappin'.