Hiatus

I broke up with my boyfriend, and I feel like shit. It started with a minor disagreement, and it ended with me finally calling him out on the things I feel are missing from our relationship. I told him at the end that I can't take it anymore and that meant I was breaking up with him. He said "If that's how you feel, that's fine. I have to go." It's like he doesn't even care. No, it's not LIKE he doesn't care; he essentially TOLD me he doesn't care. Which is just great to know when you've spent two years with someone. I called him back a couple hours later, and he did not answer. I left him a message to tell him I'd like to talk to him about this and that I was not comfortable with the way our discussion and relationship ended. But I probably won't hear from him. The last time this happened, last April, he called me within a couple nights drunk and sad and begging for me back. As he is someone that never drinks or begs, it was quite an effective approach to get drunk and beg me. I didn't give in right away, but with time, I came around. It worked that time, but I don't think he'll be back this time because it is clear he does not care that I am gone. I don't see how he cannot care, but that's the impression he gave me. If you knew our entire history, you would understand why this is so hard. Breaking up is always hard anyway I guess.

So now I'm faced with a summer where, on my calendar, I have a little "K" marked for all of his days off. I'll look at that calendar and think about how we would have been together on that particular night, but we are not because he seems not to care that I am no longer a part of his life. I know when his vacation is; I know what days he has requested off and why. The icing on this cake of shit is that my therapist is out of town until, leaving me alone with this hole I feel in my heart.

This spells trouble for the blog. When I'm sad, blogging is difficult because I don't write well when I'm sad (as you can probably tell from this post). Also, I choose not to write about scandal or drama for obvious reasons so even if I do go on some mad drunken whore binge, I won't write about it. I'll try to be back soon, but I can't promise it will be any good.