368 or so
368 or so days until I turn 30.It's not that I think 30 is old. I've managed to convince myself that 30 is not old. I've even convinced myself that 60 is not old.
It's just that I'm not where I assumed I'd be at 29. Or where I, at, say, 17, would have though the average 29-year-old should be at 29. You know? For example, I thought I'd be married, but not necessarily divorced. Or have published something that wasn't just on blogger. Or I thought I'd have a kid. Or at least be pregnant with one. Or at the very very least be ready to be pregnant with one. If any of those, I guess I'm technically ready. Physically I guess I've been ready since 8th grade. But I don't like to face that I might actually be ready especially because I'm:
1. In debt
2. Selfish
3. Terrified of getting fat.
4. In a relationship with someone I only see twice/week.
I don't think I could handle the heartbreak of being actually ready when I am not in the place to be ready.
So I hate birthdays not because of how old I am, but because of how old I am not. I am mentally approximately 43. Emotionally, maybe 23. But actually 28 and 363 days.
But who's counting?
When I was a kid and my mom was turning 30, she was very sad. I remember her being sad. I had some wise advice for her, even though I was no more than 6-years-old: "Don't worry, mommy. Just stay in bed on your birthday. Then you won't have to get older." I think I'll try that next year.
My mom had two kids at 30. Yet she was still sad. Maybe I'd be unhappy with where I was at if I was where I expected to be at 29 (or 30). That's either very good or very bad. Bad because I might be unhappy no matter where I was in my life. Or good because I should just be happy with where I am at now. Which is:
1. Living in my favorite place in the world
2. Dating a handsome man whom I love
3. With 2 (soon to be 3) beautiful nieces
4. And a good family
5. And an amazing job
6. And a nice rack
Maybe I should not be examining my life, which is complicated at best, at this hour. It's Thursday at 10:13 pm, which is 28 minutes past my weeknight bedtime. I'll try this again on April 30th and see what I come up with.
But I have a question for you:
How old are you and are you where you expected you'd be at this age?
posted by Sue Ellen Mischke at 8:00 PM
11 Comments:
37... and no. I took a major exit ramp off my path at 19.
37... and yes!
15
no i dint expect 2 b insane
I was totally going to post something similar. I have a birthday coming up too and have been thinking the exact same thing. So to answer your question... 27 and definitely not.
p.s. Happy Birthday!
I'm older than you, and not quite, but then my dreams and realities have changed over the years. I'm a lot closer to where I thought I'd be now when I was 30 looking ahead to this age than when I was 25 looking ahead to this age, if that makes sense.
My mother died at 60, her mother at 62, so if genetics hold, I'm well into the second half of my life. That feels weird.
24, In some ways I am where I expected myself to be, but in others I'm not, since I'm on a totall different career path than the one I tried to get tinot when i was in college.
Dan, a major exit at 19? the only major thing I did at 19 was pick a major. the wrong major, but I did pick one.
camie, maybe at 37 I'll be able to say yes.
d34, i didn't expect to be insane either. does anyone?
lizzie, you're a taurus? i swear you are my blogging soul mate. May 18 is it? same as Tina Fey's? I'm looking forward to your take on this. I'd like to see where you thought you'd be.
4 girls 3 boys, well, at least you knew you wouldn't like it?
Esbee, that's so sad that your mom and grandma died young. This sounds trite, but I hope you don't die young. I think my dreams and realities are changing, too. I guess that's good.
ND, I'd give up my nice rack to be 24. I think everyone is on a different career path than they thought they'd be. Could be a good blog topic.
33, and no.
But, I have the body of a taut pre-teen Swedish boy.
I'm physically supposed to be 48. Probably nearer 68. Mentally 18 on a good day, 16 on a better day. My school held a pole of where they expected everyone to be at 21 n the majority vote for me was 'dead' so I guess I'm ahead.
Happy Birthday when it arrives n I'll leave you with my favourite quote 'cause I repeat myself as I forget stuff -
"You live you die, the bit in between is called LIFE. Enjoy"
So chill n enjoy n stop worryin'. You're fine.
Bone, well, at least you got that going for you.
4D, thanks. I'll have to try to remember that line every year 'round this time.
Well, yeah, same here. Picked a major. Can't say that it was the wrong or right one, but what makes people think that you can seriously ask someone at 19 what they want to do with the rest of their lives?
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