It's Monday right?
Sometimes, when my boyfriend is over, and I am about to take my daily dose of birth control, I'll open the pack and say something like, "Umm it's Monday, right?", even though I know it's a Wednesday. I think this is a hilarious way to make him nervous and think I stupidly missed TWO whole days of birth control. I get a hearty laugh about it every time, even if my boyfriend is neither amused nor concerned. I mean, I can count on one hand the number of times I've missed even one pill. But two? I've never missed two! You'd have to almost want to be pregnant to miss TWO pills.
My flawless birth control streak was finally broken tonight, and I assure you, I do not want to be pregnant. I opened the pack of pills to take my dose of birth control, which as you may know is supposed to be a daily one, and I saw that it is in fact Wednesday but somehow the pills for Monday and Tuesday were still residing in the not-so-discreet purple carrying case. I actually did open the pack and say, to no one in particular because I was alone at the time, "Ummm it's Monday, right?" As a teacher on summer break, I can't tell the difference between Monday and Wednesday (both of which, during the school year, have a distinct feel). That doesn't do me much good because my ovaries do know the difference. The point is, Sue Ellen Mischke is in big trouble (that third-person point of view makes this easier to cope with). I read the informational packet to determine what happens when one misses TWO pills. As it turns out, what happens is that if one has sex on either of the two days that one misses the pill, one can become pregnant. I won't go into details (because this blog is not THAT kind of blog), but I can assure you, this piece of information did not ease this one's concerns.
10 reasons I am, let's call it "hesitant", to have children:
1. Getting fat
2. Driving a minivan
3. $$$$$
4. Not being able to rebound from #1
5. Wearing sweatpants in public
6. Thinking #5 is okay
7. Fucking up my kid for life (this one is kind of a big one for me)
8. $$$$$ (so is this one)
9. The inevitable upcoming shotgun wedding
10. $$$$$
Anyone care to ease my fears with at least one reason I shouldn't be concerned out right now?
My flawless birth control streak was finally broken tonight, and I assure you, I do not want to be pregnant. I opened the pack of pills to take my dose of birth control, which as you may know is supposed to be a daily one, and I saw that it is in fact Wednesday but somehow the pills for Monday and Tuesday were still residing in the not-so-discreet purple carrying case. I actually did open the pack and say, to no one in particular because I was alone at the time, "Ummm it's Monday, right?" As a teacher on summer break, I can't tell the difference between Monday and Wednesday (both of which, during the school year, have a distinct feel). That doesn't do me much good because my ovaries do know the difference. The point is, Sue Ellen Mischke is in big trouble (that third-person point of view makes this easier to cope with). I read the informational packet to determine what happens when one misses TWO pills. As it turns out, what happens is that if one has sex on either of the two days that one misses the pill, one can become pregnant. I won't go into details (because this blog is not THAT kind of blog), but I can assure you, this piece of information did not ease this one's concerns.
10 reasons I am, let's call it "hesitant", to have children:
1. Getting fat
2. Driving a minivan
3. $$$$$
4. Not being able to rebound from #1
5. Wearing sweatpants in public
6. Thinking #5 is okay
7. Fucking up my kid for life (this one is kind of a big one for me)
8. $$$$$ (so is this one)
9. The inevitable upcoming shotgun wedding
10. $$$$$
Anyone care to ease my fears with at least one reason I shouldn't be concerned out right now?
posted by Sue Ellen Mischke at 8:54 PM
14 Comments:
You probably should be concerned but not let it ruin your life. Which, by the way, a kid will probably do. I've got three words for you: morning-after pill. Maybe it ain't PC, but nor is it acceptable to wear sweatpants in public. You're Sue Ellen Mischke, not George Costanza.
Yes, Sue Ellen, I was thinking the same thing: Morning After Pill. PC, Shmee-C. And * is right, there should be no draping of the Mischke in head-to-toe velour a la Georgie Boy.
boyfriend is impotent?
Well I have a two-fold answer.
First, yes, the morning-after pill is a good idea. Also a call to your gyn for any advice? If they are usually helpful.
And, as a mom of three, I can assure you that minivans and sweatpants aren't a must. I have declared I will die before I sell out to the minivan, and I only wear sweatpants when it's cold in my house in the dead of winter.
That being said, I can totally understand the 8 billion other reasons people don't want kids, now or even never.
So I wish you much luck!
* and Dwight, I considered that; however, it's been more than 72 hours since, well, you know...
I think among all those fears, I am confident that my mom would beat the crap out of me if she saw me in public in sweat pants.
Dan, there's always that!
Keep reading; updates to follow.
Z, thanks. I was expecting you and Esbee to calm my fears if I should become pregnant.
Three words:
Ashlyn Kendall Hanna
words of comfort - I have done the same thing more than once in the past, and have never utilized Plan B (because last time it happened, I was living in South Dakota, so that was NOT an option), and I've never been pregnant. So, fingers crossed for you!
Sextuplets? Gives yer six goes at gettin' it right. Who's George Costanza and why does he wear sweatpants?
hey! just had a thought. Don't get many. If you are we can call yer Swellen as yer will be n it'll be just like Dallas....soz...I'm pissed again
Canadian Uncle, as cute as Ms. Ashlyn is, I don't think I'll handle it as well as your daughter has. Can you imagine me singing heads, shoulders, knees and toes as well as she does? No chance.
4D, HELLO?? George Costanza is from Seinfeld! You didn't watch Seinfeld? I can't believe you even get half the shit I write about on this blog! Sue Ellen Mischke is from Seinfeld too. Anyway, George wears sweatpants because he gave up on life.
Thanks, Amy. Let's hope I get lucky too!
No minivan here. No sweatpants here. And with my first, I was back to prepregnancy weight within six weeks.
Money is indeed a factor, but in my experience, there is no good time to have a baby. You'll always wish you had more $, more time, more of something.
It's the least rational decision a person can make, but for the VAST majority, it's also the absolute, without compare, most rewarding.
I don't believe shotgun weddings are required anymore, but if they are, I'll happily don my largest church hat and come to yours.
You mean no one's ever slipped one past the goalie in all these years?
Seinfeld got stuck on somewhere obscure over here. Caught a few n liked it (a lot) but it kept clashing with other stuff so never got into it properly. Little caz is now annoyed with you as I've just forked out a few quid to buy a series of it on dvd to check out Sue Ellen...Little Caz thinks I'm nuts and you're a bad influence...sounds good t'me!!
"Anyone care to ease my fears with at least one reason I shouldn't be concerned out right now?"
1) The likelyhood of you having gotten pregnant, although much higher than when you've taken the pill as instructed, is still pretty low. The odds are still in favor of you towing the childless line.
2) If you do get pregnant (and you believe in God), perhaps it's a sign that the time is right. And if this is the case, the Lord will provide. As long as someone thinks you're ready, that's something to take comfort in, right? :)
3) Seems like things on the BF front have gotten remarkably better.
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