"I got a Guy for that...."
The car situation is much worse than I thought. I left for St. Louis on Friday under the impression that, upon my return, my car would be as good as new. I couldn't have been more wrong. When my boyfriend drove it home from the tire place on Saturday, he knew immediately I had done more than destroyed my tire. He called me to tell me it would have to be towed to my mechanic because it was unsafe to drive. I called my Guy the mechanic, and told him my other Guy the tow truck driver, would be delivering my Prius to his house asap.
I use Guy as a proper noun because I grew up with a dad who had a Guy for everything- a car Guy, a tow Guy, a lawn Guy, a shrimp Guy, a meat Guy, a leather Guy, a diamond Guy, a watch Guy. We aren't allowed to do anything in my family without first checking if my dad has a Guy for it. If you made the mistake of going out on your own and finding your own Guy, my dad would say, "Why didn't you tell me you needed _______ done? I got a Guy for that!" My dad used to be a Guy himself. He worked for a juice company so he was a juice Guy. When my car Guy or tow Guy would give me a deal on something or get me out of a bind, Dad would hand me several quarts of assorted juices and instruct me to give them to the car Guy. I think the idea there is that you get better service from any given Guy if you can offer Guy services in addition to your payment. We used our Guys more often when we were driving American cars. Now that we drive Japanese or Swedish cars, the Guys don't see us as much, that is unless I have a run-in with a curb, in which case the Guys will receive 20 calls from me in the space of three days. My dad doesn't work for a juice company anymore, but he does work for OxyClean. I wonder if he's an OxyClean Guy now? I've even sort of become a Guy myself- I'm a shopping Guy. If you need a hot outfit for a special event or an entirely new wardrobe, take me to the mall with you; I'm your shopping Guy. Somehow I don't think my towing Guy or my car Guy needs a shopping Guy to walk him around Nordstrom. They might rather have an OxyClean Guy.
Guys are very reliable under normal circumstances. When I deliver my car to my Guy, I can be certain that
A. he is going to have it fixed by 5:00 the following morning
B. he will call me to tell me the list of 35 things he did to it (in the thickest Chicago accent you've ever heard; think Andy Sipowitz on steroids)
C. it will be 5:30 in the morning when he makes the call
D.he will charge me only, like, $62.39 for it
I wasn't so lucky this time though. My Guy called me and said that he didn't even have to go under the car to know that the bottom of it is completely messed up (he said something about a left lower somethingorother and a ball joint and something else about a heat shield and a bent frame). It's all very mysterious to me but I wrote it down, and that's enough because I trust my Guy. That's why you have Guys after all- because you can trust your Guys. You cannot, however, trust those other guys.
Now my car is at the dealer, whom I do not trust, because the dealer is the opposite of the Guy- he is the other Guy. The dealer is why the car Guy exists; he is what keeps the Car guy in business. I am looking at a costly repair. Fortunately, my insurance is going to cover much of it, but not enough of it not to put a considerable dent in my checkbook and set me back a few months on getting out of credit card debt. Needless to say, I'm feeling a little bit of stress about the whole thing. I need a money guy.
Do you have a Guy for anything? Are you a Guy?
I use Guy as a proper noun because I grew up with a dad who had a Guy for everything- a car Guy, a tow Guy, a lawn Guy, a shrimp Guy, a meat Guy, a leather Guy, a diamond Guy, a watch Guy. We aren't allowed to do anything in my family without first checking if my dad has a Guy for it. If you made the mistake of going out on your own and finding your own Guy, my dad would say, "Why didn't you tell me you needed _______ done? I got a Guy for that!" My dad used to be a Guy himself. He worked for a juice company so he was a juice Guy. When my car Guy or tow Guy would give me a deal on something or get me out of a bind, Dad would hand me several quarts of assorted juices and instruct me to give them to the car Guy. I think the idea there is that you get better service from any given Guy if you can offer Guy services in addition to your payment. We used our Guys more often when we were driving American cars. Now that we drive Japanese or Swedish cars, the Guys don't see us as much, that is unless I have a run-in with a curb, in which case the Guys will receive 20 calls from me in the space of three days. My dad doesn't work for a juice company anymore, but he does work for OxyClean. I wonder if he's an OxyClean Guy now? I've even sort of become a Guy myself- I'm a shopping Guy. If you need a hot outfit for a special event or an entirely new wardrobe, take me to the mall with you; I'm your shopping Guy. Somehow I don't think my towing Guy or my car Guy needs a shopping Guy to walk him around Nordstrom. They might rather have an OxyClean Guy.
Guys are very reliable under normal circumstances. When I deliver my car to my Guy, I can be certain that
A. he is going to have it fixed by 5:00 the following morning
B. he will call me to tell me the list of 35 things he did to it (in the thickest Chicago accent you've ever heard; think Andy Sipowitz on steroids)
C. it will be 5:30 in the morning when he makes the call
D.he will charge me only, like, $62.39 for it
I wasn't so lucky this time though. My Guy called me and said that he didn't even have to go under the car to know that the bottom of it is completely messed up (he said something about a left lower somethingorother and a ball joint and something else about a heat shield and a bent frame). It's all very mysterious to me but I wrote it down, and that's enough because I trust my Guy. That's why you have Guys after all- because you can trust your Guys. You cannot, however, trust those other guys.
Now my car is at the dealer, whom I do not trust, because the dealer is the opposite of the Guy- he is the other Guy. The dealer is why the car Guy exists; he is what keeps the Car guy in business. I am looking at a costly repair. Fortunately, my insurance is going to cover much of it, but not enough of it not to put a considerable dent in my checkbook and set me back a few months on getting out of credit card debt. Needless to say, I'm feeling a little bit of stress about the whole thing. I need a money guy.
Do you have a Guy for anything? Are you a Guy?
posted by Sue Ellen Mischke at 7:20 PM
21 Comments:
No, I'm very much of the "If you want something done right, do it yourself" philosophy. Of course I can't do that with cars. Maybe next lifetime.
Worst thing ever... moving to a brand new state and having to find Guys all over again.
Well sure, ND, that works when you're talking about certain things. But there are always Guys out there that have access to things I don't. So if I need 5 lbs of shrimp for a party, I'm not going to go out shrimping for it. I'm going to call my shrimp Guy to make sure I get the best deal. Or if the bottom of my car is bent in half, I'm going to my car Guy. q
Marc, that's why I'll never move. I'm too attached to my Guys. My ex and I had a custody battle over the car Guy, and obviously I won. He once said, "I guess I lost my Guys when I lost my Girl." That makes me want to laugh and cry all at the same time.
You know, in India they have a widely-used official equivalent of Guys? Wallahs. It's usually translated as "fellow", but that's probably just because the British used to run the place.
So you have dhobi wallahs (laundry guys), rickshaw wallahs (rickshaw guys), chai wallahs (tea guys) and so on. Once, when my moped broke down, after taking advice, I stopped a guy going past and said "Tyre wallah?" He drove off, and three minutes later came back with a guy who could fix bust moped tyres.
Damn, I miss that place.
I know this shouldn't be the only thing I get from this post, but your dad had a "leather Guy." I'm still in Chicago through Wednesday, so if you get this in time, ask your dad to help a brother out and pass along a number or something!
P.S. When I was heading from Midway when I landed Friday, I went through a period of looking every dark-haired girl with glasses in the eye trying to see if it was you. Hahah. But then I remembered you were out of town this weekend. :)
Being in construction, we have a "guy" for everything. They even call each other (insert task here)-guy.
Make sure to visit my site at http://overheardinchicago.blogspot.com !!!
I'm not family, but a friend of the family and I always ask your dad (formerly Juice Guy, now OxyClean Guy) if he's "gotta guy" before I make a move. He and his guys know their stuff.
Sure, I'll be your money guy:
1) Stop buying things you don't have money for.
2) Get over the smell of your own farts.
3) Success!
P.S. I only post semi-anonomously because it is apparent that your family has mafia affiliations... and I don't want a visit from the "breaky-fingers Guy".
Mom o four- I find it hard to believe your family doesn't have its own reserve of guys to choose from. You're Sicilian right? Sicilians invented the Guy!
Money Guy, HUH? Get over the smell of my own farts? What? I'm so confused. And you need to read my archives- Italian Guilt. I don't like people assuming I have mafia affiliations just because I am Italian! (and it's "breaky legs Guy" by the way)
4D, that's not a very good Guy. You need some guys. I be you'd benefit from a Beer Guy.
Oh and Ziggy, for years, I didn't know the Tow Guy's name and my mom still doesn't know car Guy's name. But at some point they had bailed me out so many times that I had to learn their actual names. It's hilarious.
I'm not the guy for anything. Except editing books and magazines. And while there is plenty of call for that, it's not like The Guy. The Guy does manual stuff, y'know, not tippy tappy keyboard stuff in an office.
I got a beer guy! Yeah! Actually it's a beer gal. Works for me.
Duh, *, you are tatoo-souece-guy! If I was going to get a tatoo in the UK, I would call you for advice on where to go. I might even go to you for advice on tatts in chicago. No, you don't actually do the tatts, but you have Guys that do so you are a de facto Guy, which is better than nothing.
My parents left all their "guys" back in Sicily. If you're ever in Sicily and are looking for a guy, MY dad could help YOU out. If ever asked about Mafia ties, being Sicilian and all, I simply respond truthfully-si,figlio di puttana, stronzo. Vaffanculo!
Aw, you made me feel all useful, Sue Ellen, thanks!
Unfortunately, my family is the type that has no handy people in it, nor do we know any guys.
So when a problem arises we pick someone using only blind faith and the Yellow Pages as our guide.
mom o' four- that's so dirty language for my otherwise clean blog...oh who am I kidding. At least you said it in a different language.
*, you're welcome.
Z, GASP! The Yellow pages!!! The Yellow Pages??? There's no greater offense in my family. It actually makes me a little sad to imagine someone using a phone book when there are so many Guys out there!
as a car guy to many, it brings great joy to me knowing that there are people that appreciate guys so much. Of course for a long time I was cigar guy, and anytime I had a stupid collection hobby.
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