Skull cap brotherhood of Chicago

I really don't have much to say today, but I felt I needed to create another post to stop all the negative feedback I'm getting from my most recent post. Here's a picture of a pretty flower. Everyone feel better now?

As I considered what to write about this week, I realized all I have to say involves the gym. That's because I pretty much do nothing but go to the gym and go to work. Work isn't much fun to write about because kids are kids and no one wants to hear about the goofy stuff my freshmen do. Frankly, I'm probably the only person that finds them adorable. The gym, though, is becoming my favorite subject to write about, mainly because there are so many interesting people there. I still focus primarily on the skull cap guy, who is relentless in his assault on common sense. Regardless of the fact that it has been unseasonably warm, skull cap guy continues to wear his winter gear indoors. To make matters worse, he has initiated a new member into his sick cult, and now there is another skull cap guy roaming around. New skull cap guy actually wore a gray cable-knit winter cap that clearly belonged to his girlfriend (or more likely was left behind in his apartment by the last Trixie he bagged). He wore it only once though; I suspect original skull cap guy informed new skull cap guy that he had to find a more manly skull cap to keep his membership active.

I'll try to come back with something more positive someday. However, I will say, I have a notoriously dark sense of humor and a generally negative outlook on life. I'll laugh at things no one else will. So I thought my last post was hilarious... one of my favorites even. You don't have to agree, but if it pissed you off, I'd suggest finding another blog because I can't promise that I won't piss you off again.

Female Unbonding

I'm notoriously bad at breaking up with people. I don't mean just boyfriends (but I am, in fact, terrible at breaking up with them too), I mean friends. Here's a good example.

I made friends with a girl in junior high. Even at that time, I wasn't nuts about her. But she was the first person I met when I moved into the new town, so I was just happy to have a friend at all; I wasn't about to be picky just because she had bad taste in music and was wearing spandex teal biker shorts and a tie-dyed shirt the first time I met her. She was friendly, but we didn't have much in common, even in 6th grade. Still, I hung out with her because she was nice, and her circle of friends welcomed me in. Through high school, we continued to be friends, although only casual ones. When college came around, I thought I'd finally freed myself of her, until the internet thing caught on, and she tracked me down at Marquette. She started emailing me, and I, of course, replied and continued to feign interest in her dull life.

Fast forward 10 years, and she is still my friend, although, once again, only a casual one. And I am not happy about it. To make matters worse, our parents became friends while we were away at school, making a breakup even more impossible. I am sure I am coming across as evil in admitting that I pretended to like a person for a good 18 years, but you'd understand if you met this girl why I never really liked her. First of all, she's Republican. And I don't mean a level-headed conservative who just has different views on, say, social security than I do; I can be friends with people like that (hell, I'm dating a person like that). I mean I went to her house one day and saw Ann Coulter's "How to Talk to a Liberal (if you must)" book sitting on the kitchen table. Ann FUCKING Coulter, people! Can any liberal truly be expected to have a friendship with a woman her reads that filth? Of course not! On top of that, she became one of those people that tries to sell stuff to her friends. Girls, you know the kind of friend I am talking about. She has makeup parties and sells a product called Arbon out of her home. *When you go to her house, there are Arbon catalogues filled with $500 jars of eye cream and skin firming agents. She doesn't pressure you to buy it; she just gives you her "no-nonsense" I'm-not-into-this-kind-of-thing-either, but-it's-just-such-a-quality-product! routine. The arbon thing grew out of her next big flaw; she's on a very tight budget, which she will tell you roughly 19 times in the first hour of meeting her. It will become immediately apparent to you that she and her husband hoard their money and forgo any type of entertainment or joy in their lives just so that they can say they have enormous amounts of money saved. Finally, overall, we have nothing in common. She lives in the suburbs. She has kids. She married her high school sweetheart. She thinks gays are evil. She has dogs. And cats. In a big stupid house. She has never lived in the city. Never wants to. Can't understand why anyone would. She's fiscally responsible. She's conservative. **She "runs errands." Why, in god's name, would she want to be friends with me anyway? What possible appeal does a girl like me have when you are a girl like her?

I finally had enough recently (I think the last straw was after she named her child something ridiculous), and I have officially dumped her. I just didn't answer the phone one day. And I never returned her call. After she had the kid whom she gave the ridiculous name to, I didn't send a gift, which pretty much seals the deal on 30-year-old woman breakups.

* If any of my readers sell Arbon or anything like it, please do not be offended. If this were her only flaw, I would forgive it and probably buy a jar of eye cream to support her.
** I hate the word errands; but worse, she says it ALL the time, and invites others to go with her, as if this is her idea of fun.

The return of the ridiculous!

Thanks to those of you that have pushed me to come back. I'm really rusty so I cannot promise this will be any good. Marc was nice enough to offer some suggestions of celebrity folly to inspire me to write. That was nice, but I don't find inspiration in celebrities being ridiculous. If I did, I'd be on this thing every minute of the day. I find inspiration in every day people being ridiculous. And for some reason, I haven't encountered nearly enough idiots being ridiculous to put together a blog.

The lack-of-ridiculous record was shattered last week thanks to a few ridiculous people who are now the topic of my first blog in over a month.

1. Lisa Labes of Chicago Public Radio.
I woke up a little early on Election day so that I could get to the polls before work. As I was getting ready, the incompetent morning hostess Lisa Labes said that the polls opened at 7:00. I was baffled. I was sure they opened at 6:00 because I always vote before work, and 7:00 is not before work. I figured she must be mistaken and that she'd correct herself before it was time for me to leave. But she just kept saying it, and I assumed it was I who was mistaken. Then, at 6:20, when I was half way to work, the bitch comes on and says she was wrong; the polls opened at 6:00. It totally ruined my day, and I sent an email to Chicago Public Radio to tell them so. I pulled the whole, "I'm a member of this station and I expect more of my public radio station..." bit. Sure I voted after school, but it really messed up my day and night. I didn't even get to show off my "I voted!" sticker to my students.

2. People in my age group.
I'm just about the only person I know in my age group who voted. My roommate didn't vote. My former roommate didn't vote, and I'd be willing to bet his current roommate didn't vote. My best friend didn't vote, and several other people I know who are my age did not vote. It's disgusting. I don't care how busy you are; you can make time to vote. I don't care if you know nothing about the election; you should still vote. For example, I know only one judge on the list of judges we are asked to reject or retain. He is the father of one of my elementary school rivals, so I always vote to boot his ass off the bench. But other than that, I am completely ignorant of what's going on with our judges. So I take the Chicago Tribune's election day endorsements into the booth with me, and I take their recommendations on judges or any other race about which I am uncertain. If you know nothing about two candidates, pick one based on the party you tend to agree with. Or God forbid, listen to the damn news once in a while and learn something about what's going on in the world. Thousands of soldiers have died trying to bring Democracy to the people of Iraq, not to mention the millions more who died before them to protect ours. Maybe more than 40% of us we could show a little appreciation of that and take advantage of the one we have going here? Just a thought.

3. Skull cap guy at the gym.
The primary reason I go to the gym, of course, is to stay in shape. But a VERY close second is the opportunity to people watch. There are some very ridiculous people walking around the gyms of Chicago, and mine is no exception. My favorite people to watch are the trainers and staff of the gym. They are all "hot" in that gym rat kind of way, which is to say that, once they step outside the protective walls of the gym, they immediately become cheesy, fake and annoying. The guy that annoys me the most these days is the one who wears his winter skull cap indoors. I've seen guys like this in other places, and it's bad enough. But something about wearing a hat designed to protect your ears from the cold in a hot and steamy place like a gym is extra ridiculous. His ridiculous-ness doesn't stop at the skull cap though. Yesterday he had on a very tight long sleeved shirt that had a gun air brushed on the shoulder... I presume to be ironic about the "huge guns" sausaged underneath, nearly tearing the seams of the flimsy shirt. But the skull cap is killing me. The first time I saw him with it on I thought for sure he'd just come in from the outside and would be taking it off momentarily. Nope. The entire time I was there, he wore it, and he'd had it on every day I've seen him since then.

Well, that's all I can come up with right now. I have another idea for a post brewing in my head, so I'll be back soon.